The Worst Dates – Those times that you don’t know whether to laugh in your dates face, punch them, run away or do all three
Most people have had one bad date or another. Since my divorce about 5 years ago, I’ve had my fair share of, lets say…. “interesting” experiences with dating. At first they had me wondering what was wrong with me?! How do I catch all the “bad fish.” TRUST ME, IT’S THEM NOT YOU. Looking back on it, I realized the ridiculousness of my dates and now I’m just excited to share the good stories over a glass (or bottle) of wine with friends and now YOU. I guess I should thank these guys for their ability to make me laugh so hard even at the 10th time retelling my dating experience with them.
1. The One With The Blunt (and stupid) ‘Casanova’
This guy tops the charts with his smooth, romantic way to of trying to convince me to sleep with him. I had told him I wasn’t at that point yet after several romantic dates and really hitting it off. I just wanted more time. His response? ”Well you might as well just give it up and have sex with me because I don’t want a relationship. Holding out won’t make whatever this is into one” – I’m sorry. WHAT? I was flabbergasted!! Was this actually just happening and did he think ACTUALLY this would work? Even more terrifying is if he did think it worked, had it worked before?! Needless to say we never really spoke again.
2. The One Hung Up On His Ex… and finding a job
This guy was one of my favourite. He pursued me like crazy…until his ex girlfriend magically reappeared. While he was at an interview in the city he just ‘happened’ to run into her and her friends. Apparently, he just couldn’t turn down their invite for a drink which is fine. Did I need to know? Maybe he thought he should be honest. Did I also need to know how they all pointed out how wonderful he is and how he and his ex should still be together? Uhm NO. I am sorry but who the heck thinks they should tell the girl they ARE seeing and her friends this information!
Finally, (we all saw this coming) he came to my office one day in a rush to talk and told me that he needed to break things off because he needed to FOCUS his time on FINDING A JOB. Spending a couple nights a week apparently really infringes on him applying to professional full time jobs. As I am the bold person that I am, I totally called him out on it, saying that I wasn’t stupid and he was CLEARLY still into his ex. He wouldn’t admit it which was fine because I kicked him out informing him I had to go to be at the NHL Alumni draft fundraiser party to hang out with athletes and business men! GOOD LUCK FINDING A JOB THOUGH! The look on his face was priceless.
So here’s the BEST PART. He totally went back to his ex girlfriend, and yet still managed to try to booty call me!!! Seriously?! What goes on in some people’s heads that they think this stuff is appropriate! – What a CREEP
3. The One Where Insecurity Took Over
Insecurity in relationships is so unattractive to me. Especially when it comes to past relationships. I am 29. I would hope that I would have dated at least a couple guys before you and I think it goes to show I’m not socially inept. (Well, not totally anyway lol).
This guy and I had been dating for a couple of months and an ex of mine came up in a conversation, initiated by the guy I was seeing. I admitted that my ex was a fairly well known athlete and all of a sudden this guy wanted to know everything from what I saw in him to why I dated him. It was long over but he’d been fun. It was a pretty casual thing just after I’d been out of a serious relationship, but that’s all it was and I didn’t harbour any repressed desire AT ALL. Well I told the guy I was seeing this, and all of a sudden he wanted to know details about our SEX LIFE too!
I obviously told him that was not something I wished to discuss. THEN he started to focus on how well off my ex was and that he could never offer me those materialistic things. (Uhm, because I’m DEFINITELY dating you for your money right?) I told him I wasn’t with him because of those things and that doesn’t make a relationship. There was no depth in my past relationship so I didn’t even think about it as a threat. Well THIS GUY COULD NOT let it go and kept comparing himself and telling me I obviously wanted material things. He could never give me what I clearly wanted, so I would never be happy being with him. He just went on…and on…and on. It didn’t matter what I said to try to make him feel better but Oh MY GOD he couldn’t let it go I think he was even almost crying.
I know people don’t want to think about our current SO being with an ex, but he kept asking and why would I lie just to make him happy? I could tell him it had ended horribly and that I hate him but I didn’t. I would hope he had civil break ups as well. Finally, after about the 10th time of saying he could never be what I wanted or live up to my standards without listening to anything I said to reassure him, I was done!! I walked out telling him to stop acting like an insecure little girl and he had to accept that I had dated other guys.
Months and months after that ended that night, he sent me a message to saying to let him know if I am ever “game to hook up cause its harder than expected to find..um certain chemistry and everyone has ‘needs’.’ He did preface it with hoping my surgery went well – Thanks?
This is just 3 of many. Thankfully I know I am not alone in it and it’s good to always remember that! It’s also really good to laugh and so I am thankful for the stories to share! There are lots of fish in the sea, so I am going to keep on fishing and be optimistic that I might actually catch a good one. Until then I will just enjoy the experience of dating, and the rush of a good first date and a great first kiss because once I find the ‘one’ that will all be over. For all those girls out there dealing with the same sleezy bullsh*t – You really are amazing and so amazing that there is really only 1 or 2 special enough out there for you and worthy of your love and devotion. Don’t settle for anyone less.
Finally just a tip for men – DO NOT try to booty call your ex if that’s not your arrangement. That’s not how it works and a little infuriating.