I know you all look forward to Tinder Tuesdays to see all the amazing new eligible bachelors you can find on this revolutionary dating app.
You know, the one that has likely made thousands of people understand the following image.
Honestly I am still finding it hard to believe how many of these fail pictures I find on a weekly basis; some of them just downright scare me, some are just really odd fellows, and I think some are just so daft when it comes to posting a picture to attract women that I am so not surprised they are still single.
… And then there are this week’s selections:
- – the very very young ones. BOYS. Yes, actual kids,
- – guys that are actively trying to cheat, and
- – regular run-of-the-mill awkward and/or weirdos.
As a side note, I apologize for the Tinder Tuesday hiatus last week. A friend of mine passed after a very valiant and difficult battle with breast cancer. So just a reminder for all of you: please, please, please don’t think you’re ever too young or healthy to get cancer. Regularly do self-examinations and if there is anything that doesn’t sit well with you, go see a doctor.
In summary, save a life, feel a breast!
Without further ado, here are this week’s eligible and not yet legal bachelors of Tinder!
Kid! Get off Tinder…you’re not fooling anyone!
Ok seriously boys?!
What are you hoping to accomplish here? You know that if any woman actually talks to you, she would be a pedophile and probably isn’t interested in being any woman’s prison bitch. Oh, and ‘K’, advertising yourself as a 16-year-old skateboarding stoner is a definite DON’T for a dating profile, even if you really were 31.
And I think this is a good argument for why parents shouldn’t pay for data plans on cell phones. They need to lock out WiFi access, especially since we know that it’s you, Mom and Dad, that are paying for it, since I don’t think P is even old enough to have a job. As for K, he certainly isn’t holding down anything steady or lucrative.
So boys…get off Tinder. It’s just disturbing. And parents, lock the internet access on your kid’s phones, or at least monitor it slightly! Yuck yuck yuck!
This is not Ashley Madison guys
Well sorry to you cheaters if I’ve outed you… actually, I’m really not because you’re obviously also lacking in intelligence. EVERYONE is on Tinder, meaning it’s probably the worst possible place to seek a ‘discreet grownup for mutual fun’. Yes, K, I mean you!
I don’t know if these guys have realized, but you actually do come across many people you know in every day life. Even if you don’t swipe to choose them, they will still see your picture.
But wouldn’t it be hilarious if these guys’ girlfriends/wives/ precious fiancé’s were also on Tinder and came across each other?! Haha but seriously, this is not Ashley Madison. I don’t condone cheating by any means, but if you’re this stupid to look for discreet affairs on the most popular dating app that doesn’t have filters to control who sees your pic, I am glad you’re doing it here where your chances of getting caught and ratted out are really really high! And now those chances have been upped by making it into my Tinder Tuesday series!!
The ‘I’m so popular with the girls’ guys
I don’t know about you single ladies out there, but doesn’t seeing these guys surrounded by bikini clad girls just make you want them even more!? I mean obviously if these girls were paid to just be there, mingle, get groped, or were greatly under the influence and want to drape themselves over a guy, then obviously he must be highly desirable and a huge winner! Just to clarify for any guys reading this, that was total sarcasm. Seeing you with half-naked girls and/or random boobs in your face is going to be an automatic left swipe.
The guys that need a tutorial on taking a selfie
Is there a ‘Selfies for Dummies’ book someone can give these guys? How about a Youtube video with step-by-step instructions with, you know, just the basics (i.e. taking it in focus, not using a flash in a mirror, and taking your picture from an angle that doesn’t look up your nose)? I thought these things were kind of common knowledge, especially with the invention of digital images and being able to delete and retake photos multiple times until they’re right.
But apparently it’s not, or these guys just haven’t yet realized there isn’t an actual roll of film in their camera phones. Either way, these are just three examples of when a retake is necessary.
The Tinder oddballs with a mix of wtf?
Oh men of Tinder, you never fail to disappoint. You also sometimes remind me that it’s not so bad to be single when faced with some of my options.
I don’t really understand ‘K’s moustache. It wasn’t just a one-time thing for Movember, since he had that weird little ‘m’ shaped thing in all his pictures like he thought he rocked it, but no. No, you don’t rock it, ‘K’.
And how would it ever seem like a good idea to tattoo the front of a skull to the top of your skull? It would be hilarious if he started balding in a few years. Maybe it’s just me, but you’re obviously not advertising that you have a legit and most likely lucrative job outside of perhaps a tattoo artist or carnie maybe.
Oh, and finally, patterned uni-tards are a NO! No man looks attractive in one. It doesn’t even matter how fit you are. Please wear normal clothes like nice jeans and a t-shirt…nothing fancy or over the top. Apparently he doesn’t understand the concept of ‘peacocking’ in the human race.
The ‘Who’s that hottie?…oh wait…it’s just my reflection’ guy
I am the first person to advocate confidence and loving your body, but sometimes it’s just taken to a different and slightly entertaining level. ‘H’ obviously takes care of himself. I mean, he’s done enough squats that his pants barely fit his butt, but I am pretty sure he was caught just about to actually attempt to make out or make love to his own reflection. I think if you girls want to get his attention, just change your profile pic to his and he will for sure swipe right for you!
‘S’ looks like he may need to start focusing on working out his brain if he wants to get all that ‘busseness’ off the ground. OR maybe he could use his phone to look up how to actually spell business instead of taking selfies and posting to Tinder.
And the last two were obviously taken in some pretty peculiar settings. I would love to walk into an elevator and catch someone like ‘M’ taking a selfie after just whipping off his shirt. I think I would actually pee my pants laughing. Who does that? You’re on the elevator for like 15 seconds and he, generally, as shown, didn’t have very good or flattering lighting. Oh and ‘C’, I am kind of glad that you actually advised in your blurb that you have a 3-year-old. I would have been concerned that that was your bedroom with the teddybears and kid decor. Maybe your sunglasses inhibited you from seeing that your toddler’s room was an odd choice of surroundings.
Well I hope you’ve enjoyed this weeks edition! Happy Tindering…except to all those in a relationship!